Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
