i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
