she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
