Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
