Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
