he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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