I'm so fucking centered right now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
