I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
