so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
