I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
