Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
