your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
