Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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