I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
