I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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