Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
