Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
