Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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