I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
