I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
