I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize