I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
