His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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