This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
