Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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