i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
