i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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