Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
