I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We got so high we made milksteak
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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