I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize