Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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