ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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