gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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