I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize