I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i think im in europe. pls send help
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