does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
