dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so explain again why im purple
no
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
