I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
