Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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