OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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