Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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