Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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