Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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