I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize