Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
