fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
