My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
