I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
