Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
