Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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