i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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