I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
