I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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