its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize