i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
