youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
