Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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