She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bring money and cleavage
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
