No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
