that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
