when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
