My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
then he tried to convert me to islam
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
