Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
