Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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