Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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