I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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