Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize