I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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