We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
