I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
