i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
