I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
