just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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