and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize