I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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