I just pynch a tree in the face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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