i wish my penis had a tongue
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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