I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
