Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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