She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
