I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
