Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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